Looks like I won't be putting anything in the bottom shelf, apparently Savannah claimed it as hers.  |
| This girl will find any place in the kitchen to hide...probably just planning on how to get more food :P |
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Shelving issues...
From PA to MA
Officially in MA. What a wave of emotions that came crashing down on me the past couple of days! Now in no way do I want to sound ungrateful for all that people are doing for me here in MA and for and for all it took for me and the kids to get here, but in all honesty, this is not where I want to be. I love the new life the kids and I made together, I miss all my friends, I miss my house, my neighborhood, I am saddened that Sydney had to move away from all her new wonderful friends that she made, and I just miss PA overall. I know this is something that I have to do for financial reasons and for Xavier's health, but that doesn't mean my heart is here. :( My honest prayer is that God opens up doors to make it possible for the kids and I to one day (sooner rather than later) return to PA~that is where I would love our journey to take us back to.
The kids are adjusting well. They have learned throughout the years to go with the flow and take change easily. Sydney has moved 4 times in the past year and ten months, so she has got this moving things down pat. Savannah just goes where ever I go and is happy as long as I am with her and she is eating. : P Xavier is use to sleeping where ever, seeing as he has been in several different rooms in the hospital in the beginning of his life.
I am excited that I will be heading back to PA in just 8 short days for a period of 4 days. I will be just taking Xavier with me so the girls don't have to go through the trip again in just a short amount of time. Xavier still sleeps through most of the car ride and I would not feel comfortable leaving him for days. As much as I trust my Mom, Stepfather and Father, I wouldn't put that responsibility on someone like that seeing as he still needs a little more extra care and attention.
Unpacking and cleaning has been what occupies most of my days. I just have my room and a little of the girls room to finish and then I should be done. Then, in moves my dad and let the unpacking and rearranging begin again. The house that we are living in has a great set up. I have my own room, the girls share a room (transitioning Savannah into the bottom bunk of Sydney's bunk beds tonight), and Xavier has his room, and then there is another room which is the playroom/scrapbooking room. Obviously there is a kitchen, living room, 2 full baths (one of which has a whirlpool tub!), and then the finished basement is where my Dad will be residing, which has an office which he needs as he has a business that he runs from the house. There is also a 1 car garage and a large backyard for the kids to play. It suits the needs of everyone and is functional. I am thankful God provided us with a large house for all of use to live in together! I will post pictures soon :)
The kids are adjusting well. They have learned throughout the years to go with the flow and take change easily. Sydney has moved 4 times in the past year and ten months, so she has got this moving things down pat. Savannah just goes where ever I go and is happy as long as I am with her and she is eating. : P Xavier is use to sleeping where ever, seeing as he has been in several different rooms in the hospital in the beginning of his life.
I am excited that I will be heading back to PA in just 8 short days for a period of 4 days. I will be just taking Xavier with me so the girls don't have to go through the trip again in just a short amount of time. Xavier still sleeps through most of the car ride and I would not feel comfortable leaving him for days. As much as I trust my Mom, Stepfather and Father, I wouldn't put that responsibility on someone like that seeing as he still needs a little more extra care and attention.
Unpacking and cleaning has been what occupies most of my days. I just have my room and a little of the girls room to finish and then I should be done. Then, in moves my dad and let the unpacking and rearranging begin again. The house that we are living in has a great set up. I have my own room, the girls share a room (transitioning Savannah into the bottom bunk of Sydney's bunk beds tonight), and Xavier has his room, and then there is another room which is the playroom/scrapbooking room. Obviously there is a kitchen, living room, 2 full baths (one of which has a whirlpool tub!), and then the finished basement is where my Dad will be residing, which has an office which he needs as he has a business that he runs from the house. There is also a 1 car garage and a large backyard for the kids to play. It suits the needs of everyone and is functional. I am thankful God provided us with a large house for all of use to live in together! I will post pictures soon :)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Last Night
Well, moving day is finally here, and I am still awake :P Thought about trying to get some sleep to make the drive~it's going to be difficult to sleep. As much as I am thankful to my friends and family up in MA and for Boston's Children's Hospital, my heart truly wants to stay in PA. I have made such wonderful friends and as the in-laws say, "I will always be apart of the family", so I have some great family here as well. My true hearts desire is to hopefully be back around this area again someday~praying for that!
Yesterday went well with the moving truck. Everyone who helped load the truck did a wonderful job! It was amazing how fast it took to load everything so neatly and get it very well organized. The rain thankfully held off but unfortunately the humidity was ridiculous!
Last night I was able to spend time with friends. It's so nice to not have to worry about packing and just enjoy my time with other adults. It wasn't as sad to say "see you later" as I thought it was going to be, but then again, I honestly don't think reality has sunk in. Tomorrow as we pull away I fear those tears. I will be back in less than 2 weeks, and I think that has something to do with me holding back the tears as well.
All I can do is sit back and watch God do wonderful think in my life our lives....so let the journey begin.....
Yesterday went well with the moving truck. Everyone who helped load the truck did a wonderful job! It was amazing how fast it took to load everything so neatly and get it very well organized. The rain thankfully held off but unfortunately the humidity was ridiculous!
Last night I was able to spend time with friends. It's so nice to not have to worry about packing and just enjoy my time with other adults. It wasn't as sad to say "see you later" as I thought it was going to be, but then again, I honestly don't think reality has sunk in. Tomorrow as we pull away I fear those tears. I will be back in less than 2 weeks, and I think that has something to do with me holding back the tears as well.
All I can do is sit back and watch God do wonderful think in my life our lives....so let the journey begin.....
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sydney's words...
Last week the kids and I took a vacation and got away to Eastern PA for some fun and relaxation with some great college friends. My friends have 3 little boys ages 5, 3, and 10 months. Sydney took quite well to their 5 year old, Noah. It was too funny watching them interact together. We all had such a great time! So happy they are on our exact route when traveling back and forth from PA to MA!
During our stay there Sydney began calling Shawn, Rachel's husband, "Dad". I just felt so bad for her, she just wants someone to call "Dad" daily like everyone else seems to have. My heart just breaks for her. That's a void I can't fill~I can never give her her biological "Dad' back to her. Which brings me to my next story. One night while we were at their house we were all doing story and prayers before bed. Each of us took a turn praying and like every night we do at our house we pray for "Daddy". So that night I prayed "Please bring Daddy back to You that he begin to make the right choices and follow You" and Sydney must have only heard the first part because after we were done praying she saids to me, "Mommy, Daddy's never coming back". She just said it so matter of fact and moved on. She just amazes me how well she is doing with the "loss" of her father. She worries me in other ways like the walls she will put up or how this will effect her emotionally in the future. That is something I will have to deal with as each of the kids get older, they will each deal with it in their own ways especially because of their ages when everything happened. I know God will give me the words to say to them as their questions and situations arise. God will give them comfort, and they will grow up so unbelievably loved that they will not lack the feeling of being loved!
During our stay there Sydney began calling Shawn, Rachel's husband, "Dad". I just felt so bad for her, she just wants someone to call "Dad" daily like everyone else seems to have. My heart just breaks for her. That's a void I can't fill~I can never give her her biological "Dad' back to her. Which brings me to my next story. One night while we were at their house we were all doing story and prayers before bed. Each of us took a turn praying and like every night we do at our house we pray for "Daddy". So that night I prayed "Please bring Daddy back to You that he begin to make the right choices and follow You" and Sydney must have only heard the first part because after we were done praying she saids to me, "Mommy, Daddy's never coming back". She just said it so matter of fact and moved on. She just amazes me how well she is doing with the "loss" of her father. She worries me in other ways like the walls she will put up or how this will effect her emotionally in the future. That is something I will have to deal with as each of the kids get older, they will each deal with it in their own ways especially because of their ages when everything happened. I know God will give me the words to say to them as their questions and situations arise. God will give them comfort, and they will grow up so unbelievably loved that they will not lack the feeling of being loved!
Moving
Well, the time is coming quickly now, only 11 more days til the big move. A part of me wants to move and get to start over up in MA and know I will have constant help and support from my family and close friends, yet I have built a new life here with the 4 of us and I don't want to leave that. So as much as I am happy to move, I am very sad to leave this area and the wonderful people!
I am open to whatever the Lord has in store for me and my children, but I would love to move back to this area if I were able to. As much as I wanted to be as far as possible from the one person that tore our family apart, with the custody papers signed and approved by the judge, and seeing how at least this first year out of the state goes with visitations, I know I could handle living in this area again.
The children right now are my main priority and doing what is best for them at this time is to move. Xavier needs to be up at Boston Children's Hospital to get the second opinion and see where he stands with his heart and health issues. The kids need a little more one on one attention and living with my father and my mom and step father living 5 miles away will provide that for them. I am excited to be able to just take Sydney out and go on a date with my little girl. I enjoyed the time we were able to do that here, and would like more opportunities to do that with her. It's been difficult for her because she is the oldest and I have probably expected more out of her and help from her the past couple months than I should have. She has not really had that one on one attention that she needs and deserves with Xavier's health issues and being so young, and Savannah being attached to my hip ever since being away from her for so long during the hospital stays.
Another contributing factor in my decision to move was financial reasons. Clearly one can not survive on the child support of someone who is a waiter 3 days a week for 5 hours at a time. I have been so blessed with all the financial help so that I was able to stay here as long as needed until the move. The Lord ALWAYS provides~we have been a true testimony to that! We have been truly blessed!
There have been a myriad of things God has shown me or taught me through all this and one of them is to be more aware of others in need and trying to find ways to help/serve others in their time of need as others did in my time. The love and support that I had felt I want to pass on to others. Sadly it took something this major for me to really realize this is something that I should have been doing all along. We as Christ followers are called to serve others and be selfless, sounds easy in a way, but yet to have a constant daily attitude of that takes a changed heart and the work of the Holy Spirit.
Moving Prayer Requests:
*Packing gets accomplished (as I sit here writing this I should be packing :P )
*Safe travels for my dad as he comes out and for all of us as we travel to MA
*Everyone stays healthy between now and...well, until health insurance kicks in up in MA
*Transition for the kids
*Sad goodbyes aren't so difficult ~ as I sit here crying already :(
I am open to whatever the Lord has in store for me and my children, but I would love to move back to this area if I were able to. As much as I wanted to be as far as possible from the one person that tore our family apart, with the custody papers signed and approved by the judge, and seeing how at least this first year out of the state goes with visitations, I know I could handle living in this area again.
The children right now are my main priority and doing what is best for them at this time is to move. Xavier needs to be up at Boston Children's Hospital to get the second opinion and see where he stands with his heart and health issues. The kids need a little more one on one attention and living with my father and my mom and step father living 5 miles away will provide that for them. I am excited to be able to just take Sydney out and go on a date with my little girl. I enjoyed the time we were able to do that here, and would like more opportunities to do that with her. It's been difficult for her because she is the oldest and I have probably expected more out of her and help from her the past couple months than I should have. She has not really had that one on one attention that she needs and deserves with Xavier's health issues and being so young, and Savannah being attached to my hip ever since being away from her for so long during the hospital stays.
Another contributing factor in my decision to move was financial reasons. Clearly one can not survive on the child support of someone who is a waiter 3 days a week for 5 hours at a time. I have been so blessed with all the financial help so that I was able to stay here as long as needed until the move. The Lord ALWAYS provides~we have been a true testimony to that! We have been truly blessed!
There have been a myriad of things God has shown me or taught me through all this and one of them is to be more aware of others in need and trying to find ways to help/serve others in their time of need as others did in my time. The love and support that I had felt I want to pass on to others. Sadly it took something this major for me to really realize this is something that I should have been doing all along. We as Christ followers are called to serve others and be selfless, sounds easy in a way, but yet to have a constant daily attitude of that takes a changed heart and the work of the Holy Spirit.
Moving Prayer Requests:
*Packing gets accomplished (as I sit here writing this I should be packing :P )
*Safe travels for my dad as he comes out and for all of us as we travel to MA
*Everyone stays healthy between now and...well, until health insurance kicks in up in MA
*Transition for the kids
*Sad goodbyes aren't so difficult ~ as I sit here crying already :(
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Time Out
Sydney was playing school in the living room with Xavier and her stuffed animals. She was doing circle time and was reading everyone a story when Xavier was acting up and kicking his friends that were around him~he does like to kick lately especially in his play gym. Sydney asked him nicely to stop kicking his friends and if he didn't he would be put into a time out. Well, unfortunately Xavier didn't listen and this is what happened:
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| Sydney picked him up from his play gym. |
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| She brought him over to the chair and put him in his bumbo seat for his timeout |
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| she buckled him up so he couldn't get out of his time out which she told him would last 7 minutes. I thought it was 1 minute per year of age, at his age he should only be there for 40 seconds not 7 minutes! :) |
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| Sydney gave him a lecture about kicking |
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| Clearly he is upset that he is in timeout :) |
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Ephesians 4: 29- 5:2
Today this following verse was read in the beginning of church and it had an impact on me:
Ephesians 3: 29- 5-2
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."
I find myself at the point in my life, in my situation with Will, where this verse hits home. I think I have completed the grieving process and need to now focus on God, my family, and my wonderful future and no longer do I need to have feelings like the verse talks about of bitterness, wrath, anger, malice, etc.. I don't feel the need or desire to speak anything "unwholesome" about him to others, nor even think those things in my head. I am saddened by the last 7 years of my life being a lie, but it happened, and now the time has come to move forward. Nothing good will ever come of me putting him down by calling him names to others, to him, or even in my own head. The situation is very sad, but no longer is it my sad situation by his sad situation. I'm relying on God to get me and my children through, and he needs to turn to God to get him out! He is ultimately in God's hands now and I can wash my hands of him. As I have stated before, we do pray for him daily, and that is usually the only mention of him in our house.
The memories of him are slowly drifting away for both Sydney and I. I think if she mentioned him and remembered things about him she would be saddened. I am thankful she is not saddened daily and that she is handling what I consider "the loss" of her father incredibly well! You can tell she has compassion for him and wants to see him change his ways. She loved The Grinch movie this past Christmas, so she will tell me that "Daddy has the heart like the Grinch, it's really small and it needs to get bigger". It amazes me the way she processes things and thinks about the situation. Last Sunday was Father's Day and as the custody agreement states that Will has visitations on Sundays from 3-8. He came at 3:30 and left them at 6. This was the first time the girls saw him in 12 weeks, and Xavier 12 1/2 weeks. The girls had fun playing at the playground and eating at Wendy's, but when we came home Sydney said to me "Mommy, when are we getting a new Daddy?" I'm not quite sure what had been going through her mind at the time? I wonder if she sees him as a playmate and wants a Daddy who is there for her 24/7 because she enjoys having that male role model/male figure in her life, just my opinion as to why she would make that statement after spending 2.5 hours with him. I can only tell her that "he will always be her Daddy because God gave her to both Mommy and Daddy when we were married, but we can pray that God puts another man in Mommy's life that I can marry and that will always live with us and be like a Daddy to you." Like I said, she is doing a great job handling and processing all of this information. I try to be open and as honest and give her age appropriate answers without EVER bad mouthing him to her and trying to keep the Ephesians verse in my mind. It is a little difficult at times like today when he had those visitation rights from 3-8 and never showed. My heart breaks for my kids, but yet in a way think that out of sight, out of mind might be better at this point. We only have 3 more Sundays here in PA, and one of them we will be in eastern PA for. All that is left are 2 visitations~praying for what God thinks is best for the children. God is their Heavenly Father and he will never leave them nor forsake them! What a great reminder to us all!
Ephesians 3: 29- 5-2
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."
I find myself at the point in my life, in my situation with Will, where this verse hits home. I think I have completed the grieving process and need to now focus on God, my family, and my wonderful future and no longer do I need to have feelings like the verse talks about of bitterness, wrath, anger, malice, etc.. I don't feel the need or desire to speak anything "unwholesome" about him to others, nor even think those things in my head. I am saddened by the last 7 years of my life being a lie, but it happened, and now the time has come to move forward. Nothing good will ever come of me putting him down by calling him names to others, to him, or even in my own head. The situation is very sad, but no longer is it my sad situation by his sad situation. I'm relying on God to get me and my children through, and he needs to turn to God to get him out! He is ultimately in God's hands now and I can wash my hands of him. As I have stated before, we do pray for him daily, and that is usually the only mention of him in our house.
The memories of him are slowly drifting away for both Sydney and I. I think if she mentioned him and remembered things about him she would be saddened. I am thankful she is not saddened daily and that she is handling what I consider "the loss" of her father incredibly well! You can tell she has compassion for him and wants to see him change his ways. She loved The Grinch movie this past Christmas, so she will tell me that "Daddy has the heart like the Grinch, it's really small and it needs to get bigger". It amazes me the way she processes things and thinks about the situation. Last Sunday was Father's Day and as the custody agreement states that Will has visitations on Sundays from 3-8. He came at 3:30 and left them at 6. This was the first time the girls saw him in 12 weeks, and Xavier 12 1/2 weeks. The girls had fun playing at the playground and eating at Wendy's, but when we came home Sydney said to me "Mommy, when are we getting a new Daddy?" I'm not quite sure what had been going through her mind at the time? I wonder if she sees him as a playmate and wants a Daddy who is there for her 24/7 because she enjoys having that male role model/male figure in her life, just my opinion as to why she would make that statement after spending 2.5 hours with him. I can only tell her that "he will always be her Daddy because God gave her to both Mommy and Daddy when we were married, but we can pray that God puts another man in Mommy's life that I can marry and that will always live with us and be like a Daddy to you." Like I said, she is doing a great job handling and processing all of this information. I try to be open and as honest and give her age appropriate answers without EVER bad mouthing him to her and trying to keep the Ephesians verse in my mind. It is a little difficult at times like today when he had those visitation rights from 3-8 and never showed. My heart breaks for my kids, but yet in a way think that out of sight, out of mind might be better at this point. We only have 3 more Sundays here in PA, and one of them we will be in eastern PA for. All that is left are 2 visitations~praying for what God thinks is best for the children. God is their Heavenly Father and he will never leave them nor forsake them! What a great reminder to us all!
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