I am forewarning people that this blog post may offend, but you know what~I myself am getting sick or the ridicule and flack I am receiving, so suck it up and deal because I have to! I have been going back and forth on if I should even blog lately, but this is my way of dealing and also my way of responding back to those comments of those who are afraid to come to my face and tell me what they think of me.
You know the old saying "Your damned if you do and your damned if you don't," well that's basically how my life has been lately. And I am not playing the "poor, pitiful, single mother card" as some people have accused me of doing~and apparently there are several. I have realized with all that is going on in my life right now and the trials I have gone through, and continue to go through, that no matter the choice I make it is not the right one in someones eyes. With every move I have made or every word I say there is always someone twisting my motives, or responding with a VERY hurtful comment. I know that I am not going to please everyone all the time and no one is, but seriously~the flack that I have gotten is a little ridiculous! So much for coming back to MA for support! I shouldn't knock everyone in this state. There are those, and you know who you are, that helped out and supported me and the kids TREMENDOUSLY! You have always been there just as a listening ear, to help with the kids~especially now that my stepfather is in the hospital, for a pizza nights ;), for even the offers to help when and if the time arises. I am realizing that's what true friends/family is all about. Yes, there is a time to say something to someone in love, but to constantly spouting of negative and demeaning comments~there will never be time for that! No longer do I have time for those who constantly put people down, a true Christian is to build each other up, not to knock each other down to make ourselves look better. I don't have time for fake people, I am not a fake person by any means~this is why I write with all honesty on this blog. I think people are afraid to be honest because the fear is possibly offending someone. That is probably why I get so many negative comments because I am open and honest about how I am feeling. Therefore, in all honesty, I have never received a negative comment or negative labels until I came to MA~now they are never ending. I have been called a "poor, pitiful, single mother, (or at least that the card I apparently play), immature, hypocrite, liar, I can't be trusted, my divorce was my fault, my kids should never turn out like me, I am using people, and the way I live shows how very little I know about the Bible. If you are the one that have said anyone of those toward me or to me, do not be offended that I posted them....it doesn't feel very good to know that people know those things were said and came out of your mouth. How do you think God looks at you when you put others down like that. I am not just aiming this blog at one person, so if you think this soly about you, it's not. There at least a handful if not more this is directed toward.
This is not even a main reason for my desire to be back in PA. But it makes me long to be there even more. I want to be an independent single mom who can take care of herself and her kids all on her own. That has been my desire from the beginning. I know I can, I have no doubt in that. So for people to in all honestly think I have ever tried to play the "poor pitiful single mother card" blows my mind. I never wanted pity from others, and when others felt sorry for me, I would respond "it's ok, it is what it is and I'm ok with it." So even though those people were encouraging me to come back to family and kept telling me that "right now I really need family support" are the same ones who have made those previous comments. It was not easy for me to drive away from PA~knowing that the life I built with my kids was gone, and that we would have to start a whole new life. Once again, I don't say that out of pity, because I want NONE! I say that for those to understand that I didn't want an "easy" road by any means. Just to let people know, this is not an "easy" road AT ALL!
There are a lot of decisions that I have to make, that are extremely important and basically now I know that I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I am just praying diligently that God makes the right decisions known and I need to ignore those comments, because I know there will be many!
What I have learned~God is my focus, next is my children. God is the one that I have to answer to and he knows my heart and my motives.
marissa, you have no idea how much my heart breaks for you; especially after reading this entry. it is purely revolting to me that people would even entertain the ideas that you are selfish, wanting pity, using people...i'm at a loss for words. you've been given more trials and tribulation in 6 months than most people go through in their entire life, and you've never once even complained. as i've said before, i admire your strength, confidence, courage, selfless love, and unwavering faith. the devil will try to do anything to crack you and make you lose your fire for God because you are such a pillar of strength. this is just one way that he's trying to attack you. we know God is stronger though, and He will pull you through. hang in there, marissa. god is smiling down on you everyday saying "that's my girl." i know he is so pleased with you, and things will get better. we're all praying for you and the family daily. love always <3 jenna mccullough
ReplyDeleteI am sickened by the hypocrisy of others. Gossip is a major sin and those doing it are imature and insecure. I am glad your are in Ma. I loved my time with Savannah the other sunday, it was a joy to finally meet her. And my daughter co-led Sydney's class and loved her beauty inside and out. You are loved by many hear, and we will support you. Only you and God know what is best for your family, not the negative people. Hang in there, and look up. He is above the negative and gossipers. Kiley Campbell
ReplyDeleteMarissa, I am absolutely appalled and disgusted that anyone in any state would even have those thoughts of you, let alone say them to you. Shame on them! I have not been through with my husband what you have been through with yours, but by no means would I think that you are exploiting that situation to gain pity or sympathy. Clearly, the people who have said these comments to you have never stood by their child's hospital bed praying that they would survive the night. To go through the medical journey you have with Xavier is heart-wrenching. You know that I have been there. To imagine having to go through that by myself without my husband by my side is unimaginable. The emotional and mental energy it requires to be there for your sickly child while having to follow along the multitude of conversations with so many doctors is nothing short of draining. You did it ~ and you continue to do it. I do not pity you for that. No, I ADMIRE you for that. You are an inspiration and a model for others who do not know what it is like to need to find such strength from within. You keep doing what you are doing! I, for one, look forward to your every blog post and look at it only with a spirit of respect... never with an ounce of criticism. I wish you only the best - where ever you are! xoxo -Susie
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