My graduate!

This week was a big week for Sydney, she graduated from swim lessons and then from Pre-K!  My life went from being so busy from driving her around to all these places, to not all that busy with just doctor visits. Sydney has done an wonderful job at swim lessons.  I am so proud of her and the strides she has made while taking her swim lessons!  She is not afraid to go under the water at all, she will float on her back with very little assistance, and she is working on her strokes.  Sydney and I are both going to miss swim lessons.  I hope we are able to find something just like this for her in MA. 

Her graduation from Pre-K was exciting yet sad.  Even though she has another year of Pre-K because she doesn't meet the birthday cut off date, she still graduated with the rest of her class.  There was only one more little girl who didn't make the cut off date either.  Sydney did such a great job this year in school and was able to keep up with all of her classmates. She has learned so much and loves going to school, she will even play school when she comes home. I hope I can find her another school that is just as wonderful for her.

I had a difficult time seeing her graduate.  I even cried when I dropped her off earlier that morning in school.  To know that it was the last time I would be dropping her off at a place she loved to go, a place I worked, a place that has gone above and beyond for my family due to circumstances, just a place that means so much to me/us. My little chunk-a-munk as we called her as a baby is now growing up to a beautiful young lady!

Sydney getting her certificate from her swim teacher.

Sydney with her Pre-K class and then the preschool class is in the front row.

My graduate!

My big girl! <3

We are so proud of Sydney...Xavier didn't want to have his picture taken.



Sydney and her best buddy~Allee



Flowers and balloon form Mommy, Savannah and Xavier.

Little Sneak

Savannah is learning so much from watching Sydney.  Sydney obviously a little more independent than Savannah is, so I allow her to do more.  Savannah has been watching Sydney get one of their chairs from their table and climb on it to get something from the counter or even in the cabinet , so of course Savannah has to do the same.  Today after dropping Sydney off at school I went upstairs with Xavier to do something when I noticed it was very quiet downstairs.  Savannah is usually attached to my hip, so when I didn't hear her I assumed she was up to no good downstairs.  This is how I found the little munchkin!



Living in Limbo

I am feeling like I am living in limbo.  I have no idea what one day from the next will hold.  I don't even know if I will be able to spend the whole day at home or be told to go to Pittsburgh therefore everything has to be always caught up with and organized~laundry, dishes, cleaning etc. etc.  I wish I could just pick up and leave right now to MA because emotionally living here is becoming very difficult, but where exactly I will be living there in MA is also in limbo.  My life right now depends totally on God, I have to trust and rely on him every step of my way throughout the day!

The moving process.....well, I am basically selling, throwing away, donating, consigning everything I own but my clothes, scrapbooking stuff and the kids stuff.  Everything else must go~for several reasons.  I would need to get an 18 wheeler to move everything, because we got the largest moving truck last time and everything still didn't fit and I have gained 2 more children and had gotten so many large outdoor toys since we now have a backyard.  There are too many memories in everything in the house, I need a fresh start!  Who knows, my future husband may have everything already! :)  The process of weeding through everything is difficult.  Not only because of the emotional aspect and knowing I am cleansing myself from my past, but just the fact of trying to do all of this with 3 children around!  Sydney asked me today why we are getting rid of things that she wanted me to keep such as Snoopy movies and books, and I tried to explain to her that seeing those things made me think of Daddy and I get sad when I think of him because I didn't want him to leave us.  She told me that she didn't want him to leave either.  :(  I am glad that I can communicate things with her on some level and she somewhat understands.  She was alright with that answer and didn't ask again to keep those items.

I took some time this evening to go back and reread my blog from the beginning and I just cried.  I know it hasn't been that long since Xavier's surgery, but it seems like months already!  Looking back, God must have really held onto me tight, because even now looking back I don't even know how I held it together so well.  It's crazy that how when your in the moment you are just numb to what's going on and have to push on because you just have to.  Knowing that any moment God could have taken my precious boy from me and didn't~God spared me even more grief and pain, maybe that wold have been my breaking point and God didn't want to push me that far.  God won't allow us to go through more than we can handle. 

It has been a little discouraging this week as Xavier's weight went below 10 lbs :(  He weighed in at 9 lbs. 15 oz. at the doctors on Tuesday.  He was all the way up to 10 lbs. 5 oz the Thursday prior.  I was shocked that they didn't tell me to head down to CHP!  Instead they just changed his reflux meds~which I am not sure how that is suppose to keep vomit down?!?! He is being closely watched though and getting weighed 4 times a week!  Xavier now has a shift nurse come take care of him everyday but Saturday for a few hours.  I am able to leave him home with her or take her with me where ever I go.  Today was her first day with Xavier.  She came to swim lessons with us, it was nice to have that extra set of hands to handle him!  She is actually a nurse so she is able to assess him for signs of breathing difficulties as well as many other things. Please pray for the little guy though. I would love to see him thrive off of all the meds and know he can thrive on his own. BCH did receive his records but have yet to receive his echo cardiogram, so I will be talking with them in the next few days to get their take on all that has gone on. 

Date Night

Saturday night was my date night with Sydney.  I thought it was important to spend some one on one time with her.  It was our chance to have fun but also our time to talk about things that have been going on.  We began our evening by going to get our pictures taken at Sears.  They had given me a $25 gift certificate there and I get a free 8x10 for being a member, so to get all of our pictures it cost me $5! 

We then went out to eat at Sydney's favorite place~Golden Corral. I tried to have a conversations with her at the restaurant but she was too busy people watching :)  Our conversation was much better in the car where she could just focus on the two of us.  I asked her about how she felt about what has been going on and about us moving to MA.  She is under the impression that because her Daddy doesn't live with her anymore that he is not her Daddy.  She asked me if she will have to call Grandpa, GrandpaDad because we will be living with him.  I explained to her that her Daddy with always be  her Daddy and that Grandpa was still my Dad even though I don't live with him.  It's so amazing how her little mind thinks.  I would have never of guessed that she would be thinking like that.  I can tell that lately she is really trying to come to understand where things are with her Daddy because she never sees him~it's been 7 1/2 weeks!  Out of the blue earlier this week she started this conversation:

"Mommy, is Daddy dead?"~Sydney

"Why would you think that?"~Me

"Because I never see him."~Sydney

"No, he isn't dead Sydney."~Me

"Oh, well, when will I see him"~Sydney

"I don't know Sydney, I'm sorry I can't give you an answer."~Me

Conversations like that made me realize how important it was to clarify things more for her during our date night.  She wasn't too into our conversation so I didn't push it.  I basically left it with her that we need to pray for Daddy that he would start what God wants him to do, and that we also need to pray for Mommy that she stays strong and will someday find a Godly guy to marry.  She told me she would pray for both of us~she's so sweet! 

After our meal we went out to find Sydney a graduation dress.  She is so excited about graduating, although she does realize she will have to repeat Pre~k over again because of her birthday falls after the cut off date to start Kindergarten.  She loves school and has made some great friends.  I can't believe my little girl is growing up so fast! 

Here are some of the photos that aren't enhanced:

bubbles

Last Wednesday we spent about 5 hours outside because it was so beautiful!  Savannah napped most of the time so there aren't pictures of her :(  Sydney and I blew bubbles for Xavier, he was actually trying to track them.  He loves his big sister and gives such big smiles and reacts to everything she says and does with him.  Sydney got to play with some of the kids in the neighborhood and utilize all of her outdoor toys that she got for her birthday and Christmas.  It was nice to get out of the house and spend some time outside with the kids.

    

Sydney entertaining her little brother

Mommy blowing bubbles to Xavier

My beautiful boy

Beautiful Weather=Play date

The rain had finally stopped, so it was time for some playground time. Sydney had asked to do a play date with her friend Allee so we did a morning/afternoon at the playground with a picnic lunch with Allee, her little brother and mother.  There were about 4 different playgrounds the kids just hopped from one to the next. Savannah was a little clingy to me the whole day.  She got the stomach bug that day and wasn't feeling well.   It was good for all of them to get some much needed fresh air!

Allee and Savannah~she is such a mother hen to the little ones~too cute!



action shot of Sydney and Allee

Weeeeee!

Savannah picking flowers...and pooping :)  The stomach bug had started for her that morning.

Meeting Milestones

I have been a little concerned about Xavier not reaching some of his large motor skill milestones seeing as he has been a hospital bed for half his life so far.  While we were at the hospital, during his first stay there, when he was only 1 month old the doctors were commenting on his eye contact, how alert he was, and how well he can track.  They told me that he was acting like a 4 month old!  I am not concerned for him in that area, but am happy to see that this hasn't set him back with those important milestones.  My concerns are for his large motor skills because he hasn't really had that time to play in gyms or do tummy time because of difficulties breathing at first and then due to his open heart surgery.  At this time the pictures were taken I hadn't gotten the go ahead to start his tummy time, so he just plays on his back for now.  I was so happy though to see him begin to do some rolling at least onto his side.  I do wonder if he knows that if he does roll over it will be sore?

Having some playtime



trying to roll to his side

Wonderful Mother's Day!

Mother's Day was wonderful this year!!!  It was one of the best Mother's Day I have ever had!  I got flowers and a card from my wonderful children (Thanks Amiee!) , and a beautiful bouquet sent to me(Thanks Sarah H!) :) 

Mother's Day began by going to church with the kiddos where we spend some time in worship.  Then we headed off with the Hacker family~a family who is also from MA that lives in PA:)~to the Pittsburgh Zoo.  As much as I am not thrilled with going "back to Pittsburgh" it was a wonderful trip this time!!!  The zoo was PACKED because Mothers got in free for Mother's Day. 

Here are several pictures of our wonderful trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo~all 4 of us, together at last!

 

I'm not sure what they were looking at~they all were staring at the same thing.  Here we are together though! :)

My girls!

The Hacker Family~minus Noah

The little guy sporting his hat.

This is how we roll, well, how Kim rolled :)
With 3 adults and 9 children you have to be talented like this!

Sydney checking out the tiger.

Might be one of the very few animals Savannah actually saw.  She was too busy eating to notice we were at the zoo!  She was so content to sit in her wagon for 4 hours just eating! :)

Rhino

Sydney looks so thrilled that I am making her sit so I can take her picture with the elephant.

Action Shot! One drink in her hand, one in the cup holder.  One hand full of food, her mouth stuffed!

Sydney with a closer view of the elephant.

There she is again....with food!

Noah and Sydney looking at the fish.

Giraffe

Sydney watching the Gorilla eat.

Gorilla

Noah and Savannah acting silly.

buddies

fish

Sydney looking at more fish

I threatened to tickle Sydney if she didn't smile, which made her smile :)

Look, no food?!?!?!?!
Savannah and Katie (Katie is Kim's nanny and best friend, and my friend)

Polar Bear

Sydney and Savannah waiting for ice cream.

6 our of the 9 children (minus Xavier and the twins Aydon and Braydon)
Savannah, Noah, Nina, Christian, Sydney, and Keon

There she is again, stuffing her face!

Mommy, Xavier, and Sydney (love that face!)
Xavier did wonderful being carried like this.  He loved looking at everything then I turned him around and he slept for about 2 hours!