Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
I need to be rejoicing~rejoicing even in suffering. I'm not to rejoice that I am suffering, but rejoice and praise my Savior even in my time of suffering, even when I might not feel like it. Sometimes that is incredibly difficult to do. In no way am I mad or angry at God, but wonder why all this is taking place in my life right now. Hoping and praying that something amazing will come out of all of this. What will my future with my children look like? I wish I knew, but I do know that I will ALWAYS love them, ALWAYS be there for them, ALWAYS encourage them, ALWAYS bring them up to love and honor the Lord, ALWAYS listen to them, and ALWAYS be the best Mom I can be for them. I have hope that God will give me the ability to ALWAYS do those things and so much more. He would not present me with these trials if He wasn't going to give me the perseverance to get through these trials which will give me the character to be everything for my children, which is my hope. Maybe the character God thought I lacked, He is teaching me through this. Maybe if I had the character He wanted me to have or trusted in Him more God would not have presented me with these trials. Am I to blame for all of this??? I can live with that for the pain I have to go through, but it hurts more to think that because of what I lacked in my faith, my children have to suffer. I know that things could get worse and we could be suffering so much more. Therefore I do rejoice daily that I have my children and that every day with them is a blessing.
James 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
Now is the time where I am getting weary. I am becoming drained emotionally, physically, and even sometimes spiritually. I know that I should "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Being in constant prayer has always helped me keep my focus on Him, why then do I stop some days? Why is it so difficult to rely fully on God when I know it makes my days emotionally easier? There is so much on my plate that at points I can barely think straight. I need His strength right now and His wisdom as to decision making not only with Xavier, but in every aspect of our lives.
Prayer requests: Wisdom for the doctors and myself to make the right decisions to help Xavier thrive. Comfort for Sydney and Savannah knowing that there are so many people love them, and that even though I am away from them at the moment I still love them with all my heart. For myself, as I sleep very little, that I continue to stay healthy in order to take care of my children the way I need to. And for decisions that need to be made regarding our future in the upcoming months.
Marissa, in my bible study this week I learned something of great value especially in situations we don't understand and when we question "Why?", which is OK to ask.
ReplyDelete-"We must entrust our feelings to God. God has not forgotten. He has see your battles. He has gathered your tears and blotted your brow. He knows those who have treated you unfairly and when you're almost ready to give up and give in. KEEP TELLING HIM! Stay in His word. Keep claiming His promises.We must stand in God's word when the battles get tough and resist the the temptation to panic."~ Beth Moore
"So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you". (1Pe 4:19 NLT)
When David was going through so many battles, he wrote Psalm 62. Here is a portion of it:
- "5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." (Psa 62:5-8 NLT)
You, truly, are in inspiration. Please don't ever think what is going on is your fault, by any means. Satan tells you that to crush your spirits. He doesn't want you to rely on God at all so will tell you many lies; and they'll keep coming. Don't let him win. Keep telling God. Pour it out to Him! Keep up the fight. Know that we are praying for you!
Much love, Tina
Marissa, I just want to agree that you shouldn't feel like this is your fault at all. I want to remind you:
ReplyDeleteJesus was asked: "Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" He answered "Neither he nor his parents sinned, but he was born blind so that the glory of God could be revealed."
Xavier is hurting, and I know you are too. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. And though we know that God works for good, it's still so hard to go through it (and I pray this ends SOON!!!!). But it's not because you weren't good enough to avoid this trial -- God is upholding you and sustaining you (and trust me, that's apparent from the outside!), and his glory is being revealed. Maybe the rest of us, who can just watch in amazement and prayer, needed to learn His power. Or maybe it's something else. I have no idea why - but don't start feeling like it's your fault.
:)
prayers up a storm coming your way,
Sharon